33 weeks and 4 days!! June 28, 2009

We are almost there!!! A few more days and we will be at the magical 34 week mark. I was at the Peri on 6/22 and my cervix had lengthened again to 1.2 cm. Good times!!! I truly do have a magical cervix that just does whatever it wants to do. I’m like some freak of nature.

I also am diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes so I have to watch what I eat and  monitor after every meal. I’m taking an insulin shot each night since the insulin apparently doesn’t affect the baby, whereas the oral medication could. Since I’ve done soooo many cycles of IVF the injections don’t bother me at all….the black and blues are a little disconcerting but I’m just going to tell people Dan beats me in my legs.

We are going for a growth sono this week on Tuesday and I guess I’ll find out about being released from bedrest then. Although, in strictest confidence – I’ve been doing a little more here and there anyway. I had a horrible night on Thursday night – couldn’t sleep at all because my back was in so much pain from lying in this position all the time and I was literally crying from the pain. I decided on Friday that the writhing in pain all night wasn’t doing me any good either (or Colin for that matter), so I sat up a little here and there during the day and it made a world of difference. Saturday, I sat outside with Dan and helped him (with directions) on cleaning the garden beds and planting some annuals. Again, I slept well last night so I think it’s worth it at this point. Besides, I am so easily winded and tired these days from doing nothing for 14 weeks that I need to start building up my strength anyway. Hopefully, the Dr. gives me the okay to get up a little more here and there so I don’t feel like I’m cheating or doing something really bad.

His room is getting there….crib is together, bookshelf is in, glider is in…Dan is just waiting for someone to help him move the dresser. Then we have to get all the clothing together and wash it so I can put it away. The crib is huge!!! It takes up so much of the room that I think we have to rearrange it so it’s not so overwhelming. I will post pics once it’s done.

OH…….and we got pics at the last sono that are decent!! Looks like Colin is going to look a LOT like his daddy!!!!

I can’t believe it’s been almost a month… June 15, 2009

…since my last post.

I’m really such a slacker – what will I do when this baby gets here?!

Anyway, I really haven’t had a whole lot to report. I went back to the Perinatalogist a week after my last post and things were looking good. Cervix was at 3.0 cm and 2.2 with pressure. A big improvement.

So, we got a couple weeks off and I went back this past Thursday for another, supposedly my last, cervical check. Lo and Behold, I am funneled down to the stitch and BabyMack’s head is RIGHT there! She did an internal and found that I am fully effaced.

So far, the good thing is there have been no contractions. I do feel something going on down there, but who knows what exactly it is. Just some weird twinges here and there. I’m sure it’s my cervix trying to dilate. They put me on Procardia and I am still waiting and hoping he stays put for a few more weeks. At this point, he just has to stay put for 2 weeks and 1 day….which feels like a lifetime to me.

You would think after having done the last 12 weeks of bedrest, I wouldn’t think twice…but it seems like these last two weeks are going to last forever. There is so much riding on 14 days….NICU, Lung development, Suckling instinct, etc. etc.

The upside is that they did give me steroid shots for his lungs and he was weighing in at 4 lbs. 6 ounces for Thursdays sono, so he’s on the big side.  I only worry that he’s on the big side cuz I may or may not have gestational diabetes. I failed the 1 hour and am now taking blood after every meal cuz I can’t go in for the 3 hour………although, my levels seem to be okay so I may be overreacting a little. He’s probably just a big boy, since both sides of our family seem to have big babies..

 

And as Looney Tunes say – That’s all Folks …………more to come later!!!

 

PS – No pics this time as the little man has decided to cover his face at all times the sono tech is doing her work!

I’ve been MIA….. May 25, 2009

The whole bedrest thing is starting to get rough. My back hurts and I have a constant sore throat (I have no idea why on the throat). So in general, I haven’t been overly happy the last few weeks. But, I’ve been muddling through. 

Oh yeah, and I can’t even begin with the migraines…they kill me! And there’s not much I can really take. I have to put icepacks on my head to relieve the pain a little bit.

And then, the piece de resistance……….I go to the Dr. on Thursday to find that my cervix has shortened to 1.6cm and 1.2 with pressure. AND I’m funneling…

Yippeekiyamuthafucka!! After all this time on my back and doing so well for so many weeks, this has to happen. Now, of course they are worried about preterm labor and./or tearing the stitch. So, I was prescribed Indomethacin to prevent preterm labor. And the side effects alone are so frightening, I had to wonder if it was worth taking the stuff. But….Drs. orders, so I took it.

This baby is in position and ready to go. A little too ready in my opinion. I can feel him kicking me in the cervix he is so low. I wish there was a way to lift him a little and get him out of there. Now, all I’m worried about is MAKING it to 32/34 weeks – forget about getting off bedrest before that. I don’t mind if he comes a little early, but I really don’t want him in NICU if I can help it.

Sooooo, in order to help keep him in a little longer, I have relocated to my mother’s. Where, in theory, I don’t have to get up as much as I would at home. And it seems to be working most (but not all) of the time. Part is my fault. My back hurts so bad lately that I just need to move a little. I am getting about 5 hours of sleep a night just because I can’t find a comfort zone. I’ve tried everything I can think of and nothing really seems to work. 

I have another appointment this Thursday and if, by some miracle, my cervix has gotten longer, I’ll probably go home. If not, I guess I’ll stay where I am. I have to admit I’m a bit homesick already though. I like sleeping with my pup and I like the fact that I can go sit outside if I want. I also like the freedom of being able to move around a little if I need to…here the “Gestapo” jumps down my throat every time I get up.

So, I’ve bypassed all other tests for now and am just lying and waiting and praying for this little one to stay where he is for a few weeks longer. Whatever I can get I’ll be happy with, but as I’ve said I really want to make it to 34 weeks at the least.

I have a sneaking suspicion that as soon as they let me up, this little man is making his arrival……

No sonos to post……he is head down, facing my back so there are no good images of him…….Sorry……..

Mother’s Day……both good and bad May 11, 2009

Squishing himself into me….

So, it’s the day after Mother’s Day.

We made it through another week with baby on board.

I also had thoughts about my buried baby from last year.

There are so many times that I think about where I could be, should be, am now….etc.

I could never have gotten pregnant again and at this point would have had to accept the fact that there would be no children in our life.  I could have lost another child at this point and had two buried babies. I should be a Mother already, by all rights………..

I have so many friends and acquaintances that should be also be Mother’s by now. But, I also have many friends who have been graced with children through the miracles of IVF.

My own Mother is dying slowly as I type.

I do have a healthy baby continuing to grow inside of me where he belongs.

So….do I be grateful or sad….do I celebrate or cry………sometimes I just don’t know.

Because I am on bedrest – I look out at Rogan’s garden some days and feel terrible because there is nothing I can do to tend to it. Sometimes, I feel guilty – as though this baby is more important than he was….and I know that’s not true…I would have done anything to save Rogan and am doing what I have to do to save this child…I still feel guilt. Next year, I will be ever so vigilant with the garden…..

I did have a nice day yesterday and for that I am grateful. The Dr. visit last week went well…baby is growing perfectly…my sister came and brought me back to my mom’s house for Mother’s Day. We had a very nice dinner (whilst I laid on her couch) and my brother and his wife gave us a beautiful frame for the sonogram/baby pictures. My mother was in a good place yesterday. She looked really good, she is up and moving about, she was extremely chipper yesterday…so that is great. Her visit to the Dr. didn’t go wonderfully last week – her stomach is not improving at all….but we sort of expected that.

So…….because I do appreciate what I have – I must end this on a positive note…we are still doing well and I am still on bedrest. I can officially start counting down now…as of this week, there’s 7 more weeks of bedrest.

and here are the lastest sono pics of our little man….

One Month Down!! May 2, 2009

And approximately nine weeks to go!!!

So far everything looks good still.

We went for the Fetal Echocardiogram on Tuesday and BabyMack’s heart is measuring perfectly.

I went to my regular OB on Friday and things look good. He didn’t do an internal, which kind of worries me because I would really like constant status updates on my cervix, but he doesn’t want to increase the chance of infection.

I think I’m starting to over-obsess a bit. I keep feeling like there is more discharge (I know TMI) than usual and I’m definitely feeling twinges in the cervical area. The Drs. keep assuring me that it’s normal and due to the stitch, but I can’t help but worry. I really wish I could get a cervical check every two days as opposed to every two weeks.

Other than that, I’m feeling good – we’ve achieved 25 weeks which is a major milestone. And I just have to keep cooking this little guy.

So, no real exciting news this week – which is a good thing in the long run.

Another Positive Week… April 27, 2009

I’m not sure I can handle this…I’m starting to get overly optimistic here, really. And at this point, that’s probably not a good thing.

Anyway – we have made it through viability. BabyMack would now survive outside the womb if he were born. His odds would not be great, but he’s got a much better chance now than if he were born a week ago. That is such a comforting feeling, I can’t even begin to explain it.

Went to the Perinatalogist for a check-up on Thursday. BabyMack looks good still and my cervix actually got longer – it’s up to 3.5 cm and 3.1 with pressure. That was the most positive news yet. And proof that the bedrest really truly works! 

I am getting truly bored…although the nice weather this weekend was a bit of a break. I went and laid outside on the chaise lounge each day for a couple hours. I got sunburn the first day – something that never happens to me, but I guess the pregnancy has altered my skin somewhat. So, it was 30 sunscreen after that.

BabyMack is moving almost constantly now and you can feel it easily, sometimes you can actually see him move – my belly kind of pops for a second. It’s a wonderful feeling and I get so happy every time he starts really moving around. It makes this worthwhile…he’s truly growing right now and I am starting to think we might get through this with a little man in our arms. Something I honestly hadn’t been able to visualize until this point due to what happened with Rogan.

The March for Babies was yesterday and although I wasn’t able to walk myself – Our team raised over $3000!!! What a great feeling!!! I am so proud of the team and all the hard work they did fundraising!! I’m also proud of my hubby…He got out there and walked without me and brought Munchkins for the crew.

BabyMacks Profile

He's sucking his thumb!! <3

Weekly Update… April 19, 2009

Since I can’t seem to update every day or so, I’ll settle for every week…

Anyway, had a week full of visitors this past week, which truly helps the time go by. Just a few hours passes so quickly when you have visitors and then before you know it, the day is almost over.

Gave myself a good scare this past Monday. Was taking a shower and felt some kind of pressure in my cervix so I called the OB. They told me to come right down and they would check it out. He took me right in and did an internal…cervix was closed, stitch holding. He did send me to labor and delivery to be monitored for a couple hours. Everything seems to be okay.

I went back to him for a regular visit on Friday and all seems to be well. Although he didn’t do an internal this time since he doesn’t want to increase any risk of infection.

Wednesday is 24 weeks…BabyMack is viable at that point….it’s so nervewracking trying to get to this day…

Thursday, I go back to the Perinatologist for steroid shots and a cervix check. Hopefully, all has stayed the same…that’s all I can pray for at this point.

Mom is about the same…she is living on the feeding tube right now. We are hoping that that might change in the future, but for now we’ll take what we can get. I haven’t seen her since the bedrest started and honestly don’ t know when I am going to see her again.

And since I have to post Misty pics every time…here’s one of her sleeping on me….

It’s been a Good Week! April 11, 2009

Went to the Perinatologist on Wednesday and my cervix hasn’t changed at all from last week! This is wonderful, amazing news!!

I was sure my cervix was going to keep shortening, I keep feeling twinges in that area and was positive it was changing for the worse. Apparently, I was wrong. Everything has stayed exactly the same and BabyMack is moving around happily in his home. This is probably the best news I’ve gotten so far this pregnancy. According to Dr. Doom – if we keep up like this I’ll make it to 32 weeks no problem. Then she said we can talk about outings, etc. but really the last thing I’m worried about right now is outings. I’ll stay on this couch or in the bed for as long as I have to in order to make sure this little man is okay.

On other notes:

My mother’s surgery went okay…not great news, not terrible news. There was no visible cancer when they opened her up, but at the same time they were unable to reroute her intestines as planned. Apparently, the radiation has pretty much solidified her insides so they are kind of frozen solid. They did attach a feeding tube to help her stomach heal. The new plan of attack is to treat her with some fairly experimental drugs to try to help heal her stomach. In the meanwhile, she will have to use the feeding tube to her stomach nightly to get nourishment. They want her to start off with a completely liquid diet and then move slowly to solid food.  She was sent home today and sounds much, much better already. I’m sure the fact that she’s out of the hospital after 5 weeks make a big difference.

Dan started painting the nursery yesterday….so weird to be making this move. Part of me still isn’t sure this baby is going to make it and yet, it all seems so much more hopeful now. We are doing Mod Turtle bedding and I think once we pass the 24 week mark, I’m going to paint matching turtles on the ceiling fan and switchplate covers. Right now, I’m doing a lighthouse needlepoint to help pass the time.

That’s about it – except Misty wants to wish everyone a Happy Easter!!!

I’m back and on… April 5, 2009

bed-rest officially. Started on April 1st and will continue on through July ?

So far it hasn’t been too bad. I’ve read one book, which sucked and am now reading The Red Tent which seems excellent. Caught up on all my TV shows, now have to start working on the movies.

The main reason I’m on bed-rest (besides being scheduled) is that my cervix went from 4.3cm to 2.8cm in two weeks. Dr. Doom sort of freaked out on Wednesday about it, but my regular OB does not seem nearly as concerned. He said 2.1 or tearing the cerclage would have worried him, but he seems very positive about this go round.

Other than that, everything with the baby seems great. There are no “soft markers” for Down’s, so I’m not regretting my decision to decline the amnio. He is right on schedule for growth and everything looks pretty perfect. The tech spent over an hour doing the Level II sono, so I’m pretty sure it couldn’t have been more thorough.

The little man is moving around like crazy now…he keeps kicking and flopping all over. I went to see my Mom in the hospital the day before  I went on bed-rest and she was able to feel him kick! I was so happy she got to feel it…and she got so excited about it.

My mother is having her surgery on Tuesday. All I can do is lie here on the couch and pray that everything goes well. I feel sort of useless, but I guess I just have to trust in my sisters and the surgeons. Their plan of attack is to reroute her small intestine to stop bile from pouring into her stomach. The hope is that this will resolve her vomiting issues. They are then going to start treating her with meds and attaching a feeding tube to her stomach. Hopefully this will help her to feel better and, more importantly, she will be able to eat without vomiting.

My hubbie has been wonderful through all of this…I have to say I’m more surprised at how well he has stepped up. I’m so proud of him – he has been cleaning up, making me meals, making sure the dog is taken care of and making sure I’m as comfortable as possible. I never dreamed he would do this well and I’m so happy that he is doing what has to be done. He has even taken off from work a few times now to take me to the Dr. – this is the man who goes to work with whooping cough….

Soooooooooooo, that’s my update – for the few of you who are still following my disjointed path. I truly thought I would be way more religious about this, but I guess once a month or so is better than never. Besides, I’m sure now that I’m lying in bed 24/7 I’ll be updating much more often…even though there isn’t much to update.

And here are the latest pics of our little man!

Baby's profile

Our little thinker

Wow…it’s been a long, long time…. March 21, 2009

almost 6 weeks since my last update. Have no fear, I will be updating a LOT in the near future. Bedrest is approaching fast and furiously.

To update – the baby seems to be a-okay. I had a second part of the ultrascreen done and the results dropped to 1 in 40. Which was great news for me and made me start thinking about skipping the amnio. Then I went for a growth sono last week and there are no significant markers, so I opted out of the amnio. And the Drs. didn’t give me a hard time – which makes me even happier!

The baby looks great, confirmed that it is a boy. At the growth sono, the tech tried to do a Level II but had some issues seeing the stomach bladder. So, I go back on April 1st  for my true Level II and hopefully his little stomach will be full then. And they will see it, and all will be well.

My new job is working out really well. I am catching on and don’t have too many concerns regarding my ability to do this after I go back. I am actually enjoying it – I love the commute more than anything. From 90 minutes to 5 minutes – how do you beat that? We have decided on what we are going to do with the room and I’m thinking about painting the ceiling fan blades to match the bedding. I’m probably crazy, but what else am I going to do with my time, right?

And, my mom is back in the hospital. I’ve been trying to go up as much as possible, but at the same time don’t want to overdo it for myself. She is severely malnourished and they were afraid she was going to just die of malnourishment if they didn’t address it. So, they attached a feeding port last night and will start feeding her through it on Sunday. There have been a few complications – but that’s par for the course in our family….

She does look much better than she has in eons, so there’s something to that. I feel bad cuz she is hungry (they have her on a completely liquid diet), but she hasn’t vomitted in a week. This is a first for her in over a year, so I’m certainly not bringing her any food…..

Last but not least, the anniversary of Rogan’s birth/death is tomorrow. The fact that I have this new baby growing inside of me makes it a lot easier to deal with, but at the same time I’m feeling a lot of guilt for not being as sad as I think I should be. I don’t know what the right answer is….and I probably won’t really until tomorrow…but we are going to go to Church and say a prayer for our little Angel and hope that he continues to watch over his baby brother and then we will go to the cemetery and bring him some flowers, along with his little bear that I’ve been holding over the winter.

Peace…..