Well, we got approved for our home modification, which I hadn’t even posted about at all. Payments went up $75/month but our back payments were absorbed. Huge weight off our shoulders. Thank you to Chase Home Finance for seeing the light on that one and not letting us lose our home. I really love our house and was totally sweating the last year thinking we might lose it.

Colin is doing great! Happy, healthy, extremely talkative two year old…as in never.shuts.up. He talks in his friggin sleep. But, it’s well worth it. He has a real sense of humor and a few weeks ago I was reading him a book before bed and he flipped up his sippy cup straw and chocolate milk sort of spewed out…we both were belly laughing about it and I thought to myself afterwards how it’s all worth it just for that moment. All the pain to get here and the terrible two moments are gone in an instant when you are laughing with your son and it’s real. He loves to cook, cook, cook…everything he does is some variation of cooking. My friend swears it’s because he’s around me cooking all the time, but I think he just has a natural tendency towards cooking  – - Master Chef here we come!!

Potty training began last week and it’s been pretty good…dry for a few days, then an accident…today he pooped in his undies for the first time. But, I think he’ll get it sooner versus later and I’m not expecting perfection. He’s also in a toddler bed now. We did that the a few days after Christmas. Our house is a disaster with toys strewn everywhere, but a big part of me loves it. Can’t wait til the weekend when the tree comes down though.

And our latest addition:Stormy the pit bull/beagle (at least that’s what I think she is). Cute as a bug but what a maniac. We went into Petco and a young man was walking out with her. Of course we stopped to moon over her and heard that she had spent a week left outside in all the elements, including a Nor’Easter and fell in love. She’s a happy dog but kind of dumb…still hasn’t gotten the housebreak thing down completely and now I have to work on obedience cuz she’s starting to jump up for food, etc.

I’m going to leave it at this for now…hopefully I can do a little better this year as opposed to last…but we’ll see..no more promises to myself or anyone else. Oh yeah…and I gained back a bunch of weight I had lost so I’m starting off the new year at 179 pounds and I need to get my raggedy butt back down to 155….

That’s all folks!!

I don’t know how it is I forget to do this so often. I guess it’s just cuz there is so much going on.

I don’t think I ever realized when I started this blog that I would actually have a child…I seriously don’t. My life has changed so much since then. Even the conception of Colin was sort of surreal since I had conceived before and then lost the baby. Now that we do have him, my life is a whirlwind and so much about has changed.

He is going to be 2 in just two months and he is an extremely happy, rambunctious little boy. He is talking up a storm (all single words, no sentences yet) and one of the most energetic kids I’ve ever seen. He has no fear and he loves speed, heights, spinning, etc. The only thing he’s scared of is the lawn mower and even that he is curious about.

I’m now a 911 Operater – which is a whole other story and I may have to add some of those little anecdotes to this blog when I manage to remember them as they are certainly covered under the “unusual” title. I started this job right before bedrest and went back when C was 10 weeks old. It pays the bills but has totally dimmed my respect for people in general. Actually, it barely pays the bills.

We still have Misty and Espresso and have added a Betta Fish, “uni” to the mix…contemplated a turtle cuz C loves them but I don’t think I can care for any more animals. Especially since we are also feeding the birds outside.

As far as our little boy – he is wonderful and the main reason I want to return to updating is because I feel like I’m going to forget the special moments.  As it is, I barely remember him when he was a baby and have to refer to his baby book or photos.  And this is a child I worked for years to conceive, what must it be like for those who just have children without thinking.

Anyway, on to C:

He is so loving right now – he won’t harm a flea it seems…he hugs Misty, runs after Espresso trying to pet him, feeds all the animals every day (outside birds and fish included) and gets very upset if we don’t let him do it.

He is as stubborn as a mule – if he doesn’t want to do it – it don’t get done!

He is the worst eater I have ever seen…I truly hope this changes, but he’s terrible. I’m happy if we get one good meal in him a day – today it was a PB&J – all other food was ignored completely. He does love cookies and cake and on Easter Sunday ate nothing but that and candy.

He is being soooo stubborn when it comes to the potty….not sure what I’m going to do about that. He was actually sitting on it and going about 2 months ago and then just did a turn around…I’m not sure if I missed the window or what.

He sleeps at night like a dream – down at 8 and up at 7. Daytime naps are iffy…sometimes he’s up all day and others he’ll sleep for hours.

So those are the basics….if I can remember to write more often I’ll be sure to add small anecdotes that will help us to remember the little things better.

And here are some pics from the last month:

Watching his face light up at something new or something(someone) he knows is just the most incredible feeling. Having this little boy snuggle into you when he goes to sleep is the most heart-melting thing ever imagined. I love this child more than I’ve ever loved anything in all the world. It truly made the 5+years of struggle worth it. Every injection, retrieval, hospital visit, and every bit of pain was worth it just to see him reach up to me when I come home from work.

We have not been without our struggles mind you…we tried breastfeeding and because he spent that week in NICU, he wouldn’t latch on. I ended up pumping for almost seven months, which was not nearly as bad as I expected it to be. We went through many hours of zero sleep…he was a napper of the best/worst kind in the beginning. He gave up the pacifier at six months and decided that screaming himself to sleep was “easier” – well for him anyway. We worried about him not crawling on time and then he went almost straight to walking and now I worry about him not talking.

The worst part of the last year was that my Mom passed in November and broke a huge part of me….and my family.  I’m not sure if I’ll ever be the same. I miss her as much today as I did six months ago. And I really hate the fact that she isn’t here to see him grow. She wanted so much to have a grandchild, then she got two within six weeks of each other and she just wasn’t able to recover. I wonder if she truly is watching from above or if it’s just wishful thinking on my part. Either way, she’s not here to share with me all the wonders of this little boy and I truly miss that. I know how much she would have reveled in all his little “doings”.

But, it’s been much more wonderful….the pumping worked out great. I am the Exclusively Pumping Queen! I had it down to such a pattern – every 2 hours while awake, once in the middle of the night and we were in business. I had enough milk frozen by 7 months to get him through to a year with at least 16ounces of breast milk a day. We have so much fun with him, I can’t even begin to describe it. It makes me sad to watch him now turning into a “little boy”. He walks around holding sippy cups and wants to play with Misty and Espresso. He has his own little language for everything…some I understand and some I don’t. He also has his own little screams for everything…some are okay to deal with and some are mind-numbing.

He is growing in leaps and bounds…every day he does something he couldn’t do the day before. Today it was fitting shaped blocks into the correct spots which doesn’t sound like much, but when you watch him working it for days you realize what an accomplishment it truly is.

And that is the updated version of our life…I am going to try and keep this more updated -even if it’s just for Colin’s benefit when he gets older. Hopefully, he’ll understand how busy his mommy was when he was an infant and couldn’t keep up with him.

Some pics….

Colin Anthony arrived on July 13, 2009 at 6:37 p.m. weighing in at 7 pounds 1/2 an ounce and 20 inches long!

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, here goes “the rest of the story” as Paul Harvey used to say…

As of 34 weeks, they stopped checking my cervix but I was not relieved from bedrest. I was allowed to take a shower every day but that was about it. At 35 weeks, the Perinatalogist told me I could move around a bit more and drive myself to the Dr., but I was only allowed 1 outing that week. So, I cheated a bit and took 2 outings – 1 was to go and get glasses as I had broken my last pair and the second was my (our) baby shower.

I shared the baby shower with my sister. I think I’ve mentioned before that she is due 3 days after me. So, on Sunday, July 12 we had a joint shower at my house and it was amazing!! We had a really wonderful time, the weather was perfecct and so many people came it was incredible. I believe we ended up with over 60 people at the house. Everything went just perfect and we got more gifts than I possibly could have expected. The generosity was incredible.

Afterwards, we just piled all our stuff in the empty bedroom of our house to be gone through later. I went to bed at 9 p.m. exhausted and happy. I had my first internal the next day and I was going to talk to the OB about removing the stitch at 36 weeks since the Peri was stopping the Procardia at 36 weeks.

Well, I go to the OB the next morning still riding the high of the day before. They put me in the exam room and tell me to undress from the waist down. My Dr. comes in and I talk to him about the stitch. He says he’s going to take it out that Friday as it will be over 36 weeks and since I’m coming off the Procardia he doesn’t want to take any chances. He then sits down to start the internal. He inserts the speculum, takes a look and says “Oh no, you are unbelievable”. He then removes the speculum and tells me to get dressed. He leaves the room. I get dressed and sit on the table waiting for him. He comes back in and asks me what I am doing. I tell him waiting for him. He responds that I should go in his office and he’ll meet me there.

In his office, he asks where my husband is and I tell him working. He tells me to call hubby and tell him to come home, I’m having this baby today!!! He then proceeds to tell me that I”m 4cm dilated and the membranes are bulging through the stitch. I am sent to L & D, where they hook me up to monitors that tell me I’m contracting very slightly every hour or so. Doc comes in at noon to remove the stitch. As soon as he takes out the stitch, I start putting my legs back down and my water breaks.

They start me on Pitocin at 12:30 and the contractions start to get stronger. I’m now 5/6cm dilated and still alone. Finally, around 1ish my sisters and mother show up. Followed shortly thereafter by Dan. Now the room is full and my brother and his wife show up. I am now 7cm dilated and contractions are a few minutes apart. My OB tells me if I want an epidural now is the time, so I get the epidural. It’s not nearly as bad as some people think and it takes the pain away instantly.

At 5:30, I’m fully dilated and they tell me it’s going to be time to push. I start pushing somewhere around 5:40 and let me tell you – it’s no easy task. You are pushing with all you have trying to get this baby out, but you don’t know where and how to push. Every time the Drs. tell you to push like you just did, it’s all you can do to remember how you pushed.

Anyway, after pushing for almost an hour – BabyMack appeared!! He scored a 9.9 on the APGAR, but was “grunting” after a few minutes and they told us they would try him in the regular nursery but if the grunting continued he would be transferred to NICU. Lo and behold, the grunting continued and by 8 p.m. he was in NICU – where he stayed for a week.

The first day he was on CPAP, which is a respirator to help him breathe. The second day, he was just on oxygen. The third day he was in an open crib and we thought he might be going home in the next day or so. But, then his bilirubins came back high and he had to go under the UV lights. He spent a day under the lights, bili’s came down and he was put back in an open incubator. He was then circumcised. We thought we’d be bringing him home Sunday – and then his bili’s went back up again….and he went back under the lights. By Sunday night, his numbers were back in the normal range and Monday we were told we could bring him home!!!

He’s been home for almost two weeks now and is the most wonderful baby ever! He really doesn’t fuss all that much and when he does, he is easily satiated. Wether it be food or just someone to talk to him, he quiets right down. He still has yellow in his eyes and I”m kind of worried about that, but there isn’t much I can do at this point. If it doesn’t go away, I will call the Ped and see what the deal is. He also had an abnormal newborn screen, but the Ped said not to worry yet as this comes back abnormal a lot the first time around. Then the second time, it comes back normal. So, I’ll know more about that next week.

I’ve changed – when I took him for the second screening and they had to prick his foot – I cried like a baby. I hate seeing him in any kind of pain or even unhappiness. I want everything to be wonderful for him…after all we’ve been through I want his life to be perfect. I know this is unattainable, but one can hope right?!

Anyway…that’s my update for now! Here are some pics….and the big question is – Do I continue this blog? I probably will…..I can go on with his life and/or move into my Mom’s story which is a whole other fiasco……..

I also am diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes so I have to watch what I eat and  monitor after every meal. I’m taking an insulin shot each night since the insulin apparently doesn’t affect the baby, whereas the oral medication could. Since I’ve done soooo many cycles of IVF the injections don’t bother me at all….the black and blues are a little disconcerting but I’m just going to tell people Dan beats me in my legs.

We are going for a growth sono this week on Tuesday and I guess I’ll find out about being released from bedrest then. Although, in strictest confidence – I’ve been doing a little more here and there anyway. I had a horrible night on Thursday night – couldn’t sleep at all because my back was in so much pain from lying in this position all the time and I was literally crying from the pain. I decided on Friday that the writhing in pain all night wasn’t doing me any good either (or Colin for that matter), so I sat up a little here and there during the day and it made a world of difference. Saturday, I sat outside with Dan and helped him (with directions) on cleaning the garden beds and planting some annuals. Again, I slept well last night so I think it’s worth it at this point. Besides, I am so easily winded and tired these days from doing nothing for 14 weeks that I need to start building up my strength anyway. Hopefully, the Dr. gives me the okay to get up a little more here and there so I don’t feel like I’m cheating or doing something really bad.

His room is getting there….crib is together, bookshelf is in, glider is in…Dan is just waiting for someone to help him move the dresser. Then we have to get all the clothing together and wash it so I can put it away. The crib is huge!!! It takes up so much of the room that I think we have to rearrange it so it’s not so overwhelming. I will post pics once it’s done.

OH…….and we got pics at the last sono that are decent!! Looks like Colin is going to look a LOT like his daddy!!!!

I’m really such a slacker – what will I do when this baby gets here?!

Anyway, I really haven’t had a whole lot to report. I went back to the Perinatalogist a week after my last post and things were looking good. Cervix was at 3.0 cm and 2.2 with pressure. A big improvement.

So, we got a couple weeks off and I went back this past Thursday for another, supposedly my last, cervical check. Lo and Behold, I am funneled down to the stitch and BabyMack’s head is RIGHT there! She did an internal and found that I am fully effaced.

So far, the good thing is there have been no contractions. I do feel something going on down there, but who knows what exactly it is. Just some weird twinges here and there. I’m sure it’s my cervix trying to dilate. They put me on Procardia and I am still waiting and hoping he stays put for a few more weeks. At this point, he just has to stay put for 2 weeks and 1 day….which feels like a lifetime to me.

You would think after having done the last 12 weeks of bedrest, I wouldn’t think twice…but it seems like these last two weeks are going to last forever. There is so much riding on 14 days….NICU, Lung development, Suckling instinct, etc. etc.

The upside is that they did give me steroid shots for his lungs and he was weighing in at 4 lbs. 6 ounces for Thursdays sono, so he’s on the big side.  I only worry that he’s on the big side cuz I may or may not have gestational diabetes. I failed the 1 hour and am now taking blood after every meal cuz I can’t go in for the 3 hour………although, my levels seem to be okay so I may be overreacting a little. He’s probably just a big boy, since both sides of our family seem to have big babies..

And as Looney Tunes say – That’s all Folks …………more to come later!!!

PS – No pics this time as the little man has decided to cover his face at all times the sono tech is doing her work!

Oh yeah, and I can’t even begin with the migraines…they kill me! And there’s not much I can really take. I have to put icepacks on my head to relieve the pain a little bit.

And then, the piece de resistance……….I go to the Dr. on Thursday to find that my cervix has shortened to 1.6cm and 1.2 with pressure. AND I’m funneling…

Yippeekiyamuthafucka!! After all this time on my back and doing so well for so many weeks, this has to happen. Now, of course they are worried about preterm labor and./or tearing the stitch. So, I was prescribed Indomethacin to prevent preterm labor. And the side effects alone are so frightening, I had to wonder if it was worth taking the stuff. But….Drs. orders, so I took it.

This baby is in position and ready to go. A little too ready in my opinion. I can feel him kicking me in the cervix he is so low. I wish there was a way to lift him a little and get him out of there. Now, all I’m worried about is MAKING it to 32/34 weeks – forget about getting off bedrest before that. I don’t mind if he comes a little early, but I really don’t want him in NICU if I can help it.

Sooooo, in order to help keep him in a little longer, I have relocated to my mother’s. Where, in theory, I don’t have to get up as much as I would at home. And it seems to be working most (but not all) of the time. Part is my fault. My back hurts so bad lately that I just need to move a little. I am getting about 5 hours of sleep a night just because I can’t find a comfort zone. I’ve tried everything I can think of and nothing really seems to work. 

I have another appointment this Thursday and if, by some miracle, my cervix has gotten longer, I’ll probably go home. If not, I guess I’ll stay where I am. I have to admit I’m a bit homesick already though. I like sleeping with my pup and I like the fact that I can go sit outside if I want. I also like the freedom of being able to move around a little if I need to…here the “Gestapo” jumps down my throat every time I get up.

So, I’ve bypassed all other tests for now and am just lying and waiting and praying for this little one to stay where he is for a few weeks longer. Whatever I can get I’ll be happy with, but as I’ve said I really want to make it to 34 weeks at the least.

I have a sneaking suspicion that as soon as they let me up, this little man is making his arrival……

No sonos to post……he is head down, facing my back so there are no good images of him…….Sorry……..