It's unusual…

..what started out as an IVF journey and ended up being about life

Mel’s Show and Tell November 30, 2008

Filed under: Life — gertyrae @ 8:53 pm
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Worshipping the Head

Worshipping the Head

So, I figure since everyone else seems to be posting current stuff and the weather is cold – I should interject with a lovely photo from summers’ past.

This wonderful pic was taken at the Taconic Sculpture Garden in Spencertown, NY, just off the Taconic Parkway. As you are driving north on the parkway, this head suddenly appears at the top of a hill for all to see. Upon first glance it’s sort of a shock. We saw it for a few years while going up to visit family in Kinderhook and had dubbed it “The Head”. We finally decided to go and see what “The Head” was all about. Well, after a 20 minute drive, we came to a house where there are many, many sculptures scattered across the immense property. They are in the woods, on the fields and in the gardens. Apparently, they can be bought from a Mr. Ron Kinwit who works and lives in the house.

We spent a good hour photographing ourselves amongst the various pieces and then went on our merry way….redubbing it “The Head House”



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5dp3dt… November 29, 2008

Filed under: IVF,Life — gertyrae @ 8:41 am
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Saturday morning and the drugs are driving me insane already.

I don’t know which is worse – the progesterone cramping or the estrace nauseau…either way I can’t stand it.

On the upside, we are going to Cali in two weeks!! Soooooooo exciting!!! We are going to visit hubby’s sister and family in Santa Monica and I really can’t wait. First, because I really miss them and want to see them. Second, cuz I’ve never been to Cali and can’t wait to see the other coast!! So, it’s very exciting stuff.

Misty’s still sort of off…and I really should be taking her for her shots today. Not sure what I’m going to do about that. She’s farting like a madman and although her stool was semi-normal yesterday, I haven’t checked todays yet. Why, oh why do dogs have to eat crap that’s in or on the ground for extended periods of time?!

In even sadder news (I’m just a happy piglet aren’t I?), a man was trampled in a WalMart on LI yesterday. And I cannot fathom how crass, rude and boorish our society has become that a person’s life is worth saving $5 on a Christmas gift. I just can’t figure it out…When did we become these monsters? How does noone care about another persons welfare at all. How do you see people knock someone over and stomp all over him and just join the throng and not try to help. Then there’s someone who videotaped the police trying to resuscitate him and was laughing…how do you laugh at another persons’ death? Yeah…Merry Christmas Everyone. 😦 Thankfully, I was working and will be working today…I have no interest in dealing with the mobs at the stores this weekend. No bargain is that important, people will just get less for Christmas.


Thanksgiving evening… November 27, 2008

Filed under: Life — gertyrae @ 11:37 pm

and I kind of feel bad about my rant this morning…not that it matters much since it’s mostly just to me.

The day turned out to be great. The bird came out amazing, everyone had a great time…I was completely relaxed and enjoyed myself (with one glass of wine). We had way too much food of course, but that’s par for the course with my family.

So, in retrospect, I am thankful for quite a few things.  I get along great with my family. Even if I don’t have a baby, they all love me and we have a great time together. My husband is great and when I least expect it, really shows up for the occasion…in so many ways.


It’s Thanksgiving

Filed under: Life — gertyrae @ 8:06 am
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And I know I’m supposed to be thankful for all kinds of things, and I am…but I’m more pissed that I am not celebrating my son’s first Thanksgiving…or his first Christmas or anything else. All I get to do is go to a cemetery and stare at a headstone and talk to my baby for a while. How unfair can that possibly be? After all those years of IVF’s, IUI’s and FET’s – I’m visiting a grave….while in the 2WW…it sucks and I’m so not thankful for it.

I know my husband has been wonderful through this and I know he hurts too. But sometimes, I just feel selfish and want it to be about me.

I know I should be grateful that my mother is still with us, but even with her – she’s like this shell of a person I used to know. Her whole life revolves around being sick. Part of me is sick of it and part of me cries for her and just wishes she would either get better or not. What must it be like for her to have to wake up each day and be in misery? For over a year now….

I know I should be happy that my sister is there to take care of my mother. But again, at what cost? She has no life – she wakes up every day and spends the whole day trying to make my mother feel more comfortable or give her medicine and food while my mother fights her every minute of the day. She doesn’t go anywhere or do anything because she worries that noone else will take care of our mother the way she does. I want to make her get out of the house, but I can’t force her. I worry about her sanity after all of this.

So, on this Thanksgiving morning -while I’m up by myself and before the insanity of 20 people coming to my tiny house for turkey starts I just needed to get out that I’m not truly happy or grateful for much this year. It’s been the worst year I can remember….I’m tired of death and hospitals and misery. I just want to be happy….

Oh and to top it off, Misty isn’t feeling right and she’s been off for days now so I’m really starting to worry.


Transfer done – November 24, 2008

Filed under: IVF — gertyrae @ 9:23 pm
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6 embies – 1 -12 cell, 1- 10 cell, 2- 8 cell and 2 – 7 cell…will any of them be any good is the real question?

And there are 35 left as 6 didn’t make it to freeze…

And all I can do is wait and try not to think about it. Transfer itself went very well, which for me is sort of a bonus. Usually, I can feel it when the catheter goes through the cervix – not so today. I was shocked when I heard Dr. K tell the embryologist to load…so hopefully that will be a good thing. I can only wait two weeks and find out then.

As I said to Dr. K while being wheeled out – this part is easy, it’s the next two weeks that suck…

Oh, and my dog has learned to find rotten jalapenos in the garden, eat them and then throw them up in the house or the car…good times. Which means I went out to clean out the garden bed and hope that she doesn’t dig anymore up.


Transfer is Monday… November 23, 2008

Filed under: IVF — gertyrae @ 12:46 am
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Started the lovely PIO shots last night and am off to do tonights…ahh the joys of a painful azz! Oh and DH gave me the shot last night and it was quite the bleeder…bandaid worthy bleeder!

Will get the call tomorrow as to the time.

I took Monday off and was off on Wednesday to get ready for Thanksgiving (I’m cooking for 12)…so I decided to take Tuesday also and give myself plenty of time.

BTW, has anyone seen the Ungroundable episode of South Park? One of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time.

So – wish me luck – not that I’m all that optimistic, but luck would be nice, as in good luck, as in God willing I actually get pregnant and not with a chemical…..


It’s Wednesday already… November 20, 2008

Filed under: Life — gertyrae @ 12:14 am
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My exciting life:

Got caught up on Trueblood – can’t believe the Rene is the murderer…

Haven’t done anything about the truck

Am freezing to death…I hate when it gets cold

Spent all kinds of money on house stuff drapes, dishes, duvet cover (all things that begin with a D) and an entry rug

Go tomorrow for blood and sono, find out when transfer will be

Actually went for long, brisk walks so the weight might start to come off

Discovered that I finally have finches eating the niger seed – nice of them to wait until it’s frozen out

and that’s all i got…oh yeah, anyone want some Cetritide or gonal-F?

 I like this theme better….

And my puppy is so cute!!img_4813


I would truly like to punch some people sometimes… November 16, 2008

Filed under: Life — gertyrae @ 12:44 am
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Some lady in the Target parking lot crushed a shopping cart into my car with hers and then tried to run me over when I went over to her car. Another woman saw it and got her info for me…when the cop got there he told me that because she didn’t hit my car directly it had to be filed as property damage and I could fix it, then go after her in small claims court.

First of all, I’m never getting my money back…second of all I don’t need this just as the holidays are starting. I really hate people sometimes. And of course, when he ran her plate the license of the person the car is registered to came up as invalid….Gee, I wonder why she tried to kill two people in the process of getting away? :/

In other news…gave my leftover Hcg to a fellow IFer tonight and I truly wish I had a taker for the Gonal-F, Crinone and Cetritide hanging around my house….you would think there were more people desperate for fertility drugs. I guess I’ll just donate them to my RE’s office.

Still taking the Estrace, I go back on Thursday to check the lining.

I’ve lost another two pounds so I’m within 3 pounds of where I was before starting the last cycle. Of course, I’m still 30 pounds away from my ideal weight.

Found out DH’s uncle has terminal cancer and one of his sons is being an azzhole.

Found out my BF’s BIL is #1 on the wait list for a liver due to liver cancer, but if he doesn’t get one in the next 72 hours he’s not going to live.

Makes you appreciate what you do have sometimes……

Oh and Misty made another friend today…a sweet chocolate lab and they had lots of fun together!

I’m off to bed now to mull over the fact that I have to have body work done to my poor truck…..this vehicle is not catching a break.


Hello to my Cysters! November 11, 2008

Filed under: Life — gertyrae @ 11:32 pm
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I think my cysts are trying to get my attention….I keep getting pain under my ribcage. Or I could have hurt a muscle helping to move my brother on Sunday…not sure which.

I really just wanted to pop on here to say

I had dinner with my husband tonight!!! It’s a first in weeks!! We’ve both been working so much, we’ve been passing each other like ships in the night (or day). So, he was off for Veteran’s Day (thank you to the vets!) and I decided to work a half day. We did absolutely nothing exciting – went to look at HDTV’s,  had Bobbique for dinner (yummy fried pickles) and came home to watch Indiana Jones. But it was so nice to actually talk to one another for a change…..makes me remember how much I love him.

And that’s all I really gots to say…… 🙂


It’s been so long… November 10, 2008

Filed under: IVF — gertyrae @ 12:03 am
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and I have so much to tell.

Well, then again maybe not.

Obviously there was no transfer so it was just a matter of waiting for AF and maybe feeling a better in the interim. Well, I started feeling better by last Sunday and started losing some of the weight I’d gained by Thursday. Only 3 pounds of the total 8 I had gained, but it’s a start. Then, my friend AF arrived on Saturday in a way I’ve never known before. It was like she wanted to add insult to injury. First, a mind-freak headache on Friday that no medication could get rid of. Then Saturday morning she decides to hit me in the lower back so I couldn’t sleep without a heating pad pain. Now that’s fun – and it’s also NEVER happened to me before so I was shocked. I always thought we had a mutual agreement – she doesn’t make life too miserable and I won’t complain about her too much. Well she broke her end of the bargain, so now anything goes.

Anyway, back to reality…today is CD2 and I went in for blood and sono this morning to start my FET. Blood is apparently fine, I found out later….Sono showed approx. 8 cysts in each ovary – yup that’s 16 cysts! The biggest were at 36mm and the smallest 16. The PA asked me the inevitable – aren’t you in any discomfort question and I told her that compared to how I felt a week ago, I could run (well maybe walk) a marathon. Anyway, I got the message later that I’m still good to go. I knew he would go ahead….he doesn’t get concerned when I have cysts and they do go away so I guess he’s onto something. Started Estrace tonight and we are off and running again.

Now, in my personal life – Misty was a pirate for Halloween…see pic. We had a nice Halloween…quiet and relaxed…my brother and SIL moved apartments today, so I spent the whole day lugging boxes – “How do you like that, ovaries?!” As previously noted, I’ve lost some of the weight gain…I would like to lose more, but since I still haven’t been given the go ahead on exercise…it’s walking only for now.

And that’s all folks!!!

Pirate Misty!

Pirate Misty!