It's unusual…

..what started out as an IVF journey and ended up being about life

I’ve been MIA….. May 25, 2009

Filed under: Pregnancy — gertyrae @ 8:55 am

The whole bedrest thing is starting to get rough. My back hurts and I have a constant sore throat (I have no idea why on the throat). So in general, I haven’t been overly happy the last few weeks. But, I’ve been muddling through. 

Oh yeah, and I can’t even begin with the migraines…they kill me! And there’s not much I can really take. I have to put icepacks on my head to relieve the pain a little bit.

And then, the piece de resistance……….I go to the Dr. on Thursday to find that my cervix has shortened to 1.6cm and 1.2 with pressure. AND I’m funneling…

Yippeekiyamuthafucka!! After all this time on my back and doing so well for so many weeks, this has to happen. Now, of course they are worried about preterm labor and./or tearing the stitch. So, I was prescribed Indomethacin to prevent preterm labor. And the side effects alone are so frightening, I had to wonder if it was worth taking the stuff. But….Drs. orders, so I took it.

This baby is in position and ready to go. A little too ready in my opinion. I can feel him kicking me in the cervix he is so low. I wish there was a way to lift him a little and get him out of there. Now, all I’m worried about is MAKING it to 32/34 weeks – forget about getting off bedrest before that. I don’t mind if he comes a little early, but I really don’t want him in NICU if I can help it.

Sooooo, in order to help keep him in a little longer, I have relocated to my mother’s. Where, in theory, I don’t have to get up as much as I would at home. And it seems to be working most (but not all) of the time. Part is my fault. My back hurts so bad lately that I just need to move a little. I am getting about 5 hours of sleep a night just because I can’t find a comfort zone. I’ve tried everything I can think of and nothing really seems to work. 

I have another appointment this Thursday and if, by some miracle, my cervix has gotten longer, I’ll probably go home. If not, I guess I’ll stay where I am. I have to admit I’m a bit homesick already though. I like sleeping with my pup and I like the fact that I can go sit outside if I want. I also like the freedom of being able to move around a little if I need to…here the “Gestapo” jumps down my throat every time I get up.

So, I’ve bypassed all other tests for now and am just lying and waiting and praying for this little one to stay where he is for a few weeks longer. Whatever I can get I’ll be happy with, but as I’ve said I really want to make it to 34 weeks at the least.

I have a sneaking suspicion that as soon as they let me up, this little man is making his arrival……

No sonos to post……he is head down, facing my back so there are no good images of him…….Sorry……..


Mother’s Day……both good and bad May 11, 2009

Filed under: Pregnancy — gertyrae @ 12:08 pm
Squishing himself into me….
So, it’s the day after Mother’s Day.

We made it through another week with baby on board.

I also had thoughts about my buried baby from last year.

There are so many times that I think about where I could be, should be, am now….etc.

I could never have gotten pregnant again and at this point would have had to accept the fact that there would be no children in our life.  I could have lost another child at this point and had two buried babies. I should be a Mother already, by all rights………..

I have so many friends and acquaintances that should be also be Mother’s by now. But, I also have many friends who have been graced with children through the miracles of IVF.

My own Mother is dying slowly as I type.

I do have a healthy baby continuing to grow inside of me where he belongs.

So….do I be grateful or sad….do I celebrate or cry………sometimes I just don’t know.

Because I am on bedrest – I look out at Rogan’s garden some days and feel terrible because there is nothing I can do to tend to it. Sometimes, I feel guilty – as though this baby is more important than he was….and I know that’s not true…I would have done anything to save Rogan and am doing what I have to do to save this child…I still feel guilt. Next year, I will be ever so vigilant with the garden…..

I did have a nice day yesterday and for that I am grateful. The Dr. visit last week went well…baby is growing perfectly…my sister came and brought me back to my mom’s house for Mother’s Day. We had a very nice dinner (whilst I laid on her couch) and my brother and his wife gave us a beautiful frame for the sonogram/baby pictures. My mother was in a good place yesterday. She looked really good, she is up and moving about, she was extremely chipper yesterday…so that is great. Her visit to the Dr. didn’t go wonderfully last week – her stomach is not improving at all….but we sort of expected that.

So…….because I do appreciate what I have – I must end this on a positive note…we are still doing well and I am still on bedrest. I can officially start counting down now…as of this week, there’s 7 more weeks of bedrest.

and here are the lastest sono pics of our little man….Colin 26 Weeks 3DAnother alien face pic


One Month Down!! May 2, 2009

Filed under: Pregnancy — gertyrae @ 10:40 am

And approximately nine weeks to go!!!

So far everything looks good still.

We went for the Fetal Echocardiogram on Tuesday and BabyMack’s heart is measuring perfectly.

I went to my regular OB on Friday and things look good. He didn’t do an internal, which kind of worries me because I would really like constant status updates on my cervix, but he doesn’t want to increase the chance of infection.

I think I’m starting to over-obsess a bit. I keep feeling like there is more discharge (I know TMI) than usual and I’m definitely feeling twinges in the cervical area. The Drs. keep assuring me that it’s normal and due to the stitch, but I can’t help but worry. I really wish I could get a cervical check every two days as opposed to every two weeks.

Other than that, I’m feeling good – we’ve achieved 25 weeks which is a major milestone. And I just have to keep cooking this little guy.

So, no real exciting news this week – which is a good thing in the long run.