It's unusual…

..what started out as an IVF journey and ended up being about life

Mother’s Day……both good and bad May 11, 2009

Filed under: Pregnancy — gertyrae @ 12:08 pm
Squishing himself into me….
So, it’s the day after Mother’s Day.

We made it through another week with baby on board.

I also had thoughts about my buried baby from last year.

There are so many times that I think about where I could be, should be, am now….etc.

I could never have gotten pregnant again and at this point would have had to accept the fact that there would be no children in our life.  I could have lost another child at this point and had two buried babies. I should be a Mother already, by all rights………..

I have so many friends and acquaintances that should be also be Mother’s by now. But, I also have many friends who have been graced with children through the miracles of IVF.

My own Mother is dying slowly as I type.

I do have a healthy baby continuing to grow inside of me where he belongs.

So….do I be grateful or sad….do I celebrate or cry………sometimes I just don’t know.

Because I am on bedrest – I look out at Rogan’s garden some days and feel terrible because there is nothing I can do to tend to it. Sometimes, I feel guilty – as though this baby is more important than he was….and I know that’s not true…I would have done anything to save Rogan and am doing what I have to do to save this child…I still feel guilt. Next year, I will be ever so vigilant with the garden…..

I did have a nice day yesterday and for that I am grateful. The Dr. visit last week went well…baby is growing perfectly…my sister came and brought me back to my mom’s house for Mother’s Day. We had a very nice dinner (whilst I laid on her couch) and my brother and his wife gave us a beautiful frame for the sonogram/baby pictures. My mother was in a good place yesterday. She looked really good, she is up and moving about, she was extremely chipper yesterday…so that is great. Her visit to the Dr. didn’t go wonderfully last week – her stomach is not improving at all….but we sort of expected that.

So…….because I do appreciate what I have – I must end this on a positive note…we are still doing well and I am still on bedrest. I can officially start counting down now…as of this week, there’s 7 more weeks of bedrest.

and here are the lastest sono pics of our little man….Colin 26 Weeks 3DAnother alien face pic


2 Responses to “Mother’s Day……both good and bad”

  1. Allison Says:

    Very exciting about the countdown beginning. I’m sorry that this mother’s day brought so many conflicting feelings. Life is so hard and confusing sometimes. Beautiful post as you are keeping such a positive attitude. Best of wishes these next 7 weeks!

  2. gertyrae Says:

    Thank you so much…we are doing the best we can right now.
    Hoping and praying for a good outcome..

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