So…..motherhood has been amazing, exhausting, exhilarating, depressing, fascinating and most of all rewarding.
Watching his face light up at something new or something(someone) he knows is just the most incredible feeling. Having this little boy snuggle into you when he goes to sleep is the most heart-melting thing ever imagined. I love this child more than I’ve ever loved anything in all the world. It truly made the 5+years of struggle worth it. Every injection, retrieval, hospital visit, and every bit of pain was worth it just to see him reach up to me when I come home from work.
We have not been without our struggles mind you…we tried breastfeeding and because he spent that week in NICU, he wouldn’t latch on. I ended up pumping for almost seven months, which was not nearly as bad as I expected it to be. We went through many hours of zero sleep…he was a napper of the best/worst kind in the beginning. He gave up the pacifier at six months and decided that screaming himself to sleep was “easier” – well for him anyway. We worried about him not crawling on time and then he went almost straight to walking 😮 and now I worry about him not talking.
The worst part of the last year was that my Mom passed in November and broke a huge part of me….and my family. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be the same. I miss her as much today as I did six months ago. And I really hate the fact that she isn’t here to see him grow. She wanted so much to have a grandchild, then she got two within six weeks of each other and she just wasn’t able to recover. I wonder if she truly is watching from above or if it’s just wishful thinking on my part. Either way, she’s not here to share with me all the wonders of this little boy and I truly miss that. I know how much she would have reveled in all his little “doings”.
But, it’s been much more wonderful….the pumping worked out great. I am the Exclusively Pumping Queen! I had it down to such a pattern – every 2 hours while awake, once in the middle of the night and we were in business. I had enough milk frozen by 7 months to get him through to a year with at least 16ounces of breast milk a day. We have so much fun with him, I can’t even begin to describe it. It makes me sad to watch him now turning into a “little boy”. He walks around holding sippy cups and wants to play with Misty and Espresso. He has his own little language for everything…some I understand and some I don’t. He also has his own little screams for everything…some are okay to deal with and some are mind-numbing.
He is growing in leaps and bounds…every day he does something he couldn’t do the day before. Today it was fitting shaped blocks into the correct spots which doesn’t sound like much, but when you watch him working it for days you realize what an accomplishment it truly is.
And that is the updated version of our life…I am going to try and keep this more updated -even if it’s just for Colin’s benefit when he gets older. Hopefully, he’ll understand how busy his mommy was when he was an infant and couldn’t keep up with him. 🙂