Funny how much things change after 3 years.
3 years of somewhat maintaining this blog.
My child is almost 3 years old.
I have a child that was buried over 3 years ago.
3 years ago, I wasn’t sure if I would ever be a mother but I never thought about not having my own mother around.
And it’s been 2 years of not having a Mom on Mothers Day.
Which I think is the biggest hurt of all now.
All the things I miss about her. All the times I want to call her – for advice, for laughs, to cry, to vent or just to talk.for hours.and hours.and hours. I think about all the times Dan and I used to fight because I would come home so late from her house. What if I hadn’t spent all that time with her then? Would I regret it like I regret not seeing her in the hospital those few months between Colin’s birth and her death?
I miss her so much and although it’s not as much a forefront of my everyday life, it’s so very painful on a day like Mothers Day – and this Saturday will be her birthday. I miss the whole clan gathering at her house for the day, each of us laden with flats and flats of plants. She loved to garden, she loved her flowers so much and we all loved her so much that it boggles my mind sometimes. She was truly the center of our lives as a family. And so much has fallen by the wayside since her death. None of my siblings are the same. We are all damaged and we have all lost something of ourselves. She was truly the glue that held us together and made us whole. What was lost with her death will probably never be repaired.
I urge anyone who is an adult and still has their mother around to give her an extra hug, not on Mothers Day but every day. Tell her how much you love her. Be there for her if she needs you. Because the day will come when she is not there. No matter how much she may get on your nerves at times, she still loves you and has dedicated her life to you. The least you can give her is your time now. Hopefully, you will have her around for good long while. I was fairly lucky – I had my Mom till I was 45, my youngest sisters not so much.
I treasure all those moments I did have with her and regret all the things that were missed.
I love you Mom – I always will – you made me what I am today and I only hope to be half the “Mump” you were.