It's unusual…

..what started out as an IVF journey and ended up being about life

Weekly Update… April 19, 2009

Filed under: IVF,Pregnancy — gertyrae @ 4:43 pm
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Since I can’t seem to update every day or so, I’ll settle for every week…

Anyway, had a week full of visitors this past week, which truly helps the time go by. Just a few hours passes so quickly when you have visitors and then before you know it, the day is almost over.

Gave myself a good scare this past Monday. Was taking a shower and felt some kind of pressure in my cervix so I called the OB. They told me to come right down and they would check it out. He took me right in and did an internal…cervix was closed, stitch holding. He did send me to labor and delivery to be monitored for a couple hours. Everything seems to be okay.

I went back to him for a regular visit on Friday and all seems to be well. Although he didn’t do an internal this time since he doesn’t want to increase any risk of infection.

Wednesday is 24 weeks…BabyMack is viable at that point….it’s so nervewracking trying to get to this day…

Thursday, I go back to the Perinatologist for steroid shots and a cervix check. Hopefully, all has stayed the same…that’s all I can pray for at this point.

Mom is about the same…she is living on the feeding tube right now. We are hoping that that might change in the future, but for now we’ll take what we can get. I haven’t seen her since the bedrest started and honestly don’ t know when I am going to see her again.

And since I have to post Misty pics every time…here’s one of her sleeping on me….april-2009-015

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It’s Thanksgiving November 27, 2008

Filed under: Life — gertyrae @ 8:06 am
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And I know I’m supposed to be thankful for all kinds of things, and I am…but I’m more pissed that I am not celebrating my son’s first Thanksgiving…or his first Christmas or anything else. All I get to do is go to a cemetery and stare at a headstone and talk to my baby for a while. How unfair can that possibly be? After all those years of IVF’s, IUI’s and FET’s – I’m visiting a grave….while in the 2WW…it sucks and I’m so not thankful for it.

I know my husband has been wonderful through this and I know he hurts too. But sometimes, I just feel selfish and want it to be about me.

I know I should be grateful that my mother is still with us, but even with her – she’s like this shell of a person I used to know. Her whole life revolves around being sick. Part of me is sick of it and part of me cries for her and just wishes she would either get better or not. What must it be like for her to have to wake up each day and be in misery? For over a year now….

I know I should be happy that my sister is there to take care of my mother. But again, at what cost? She has no life – she wakes up every day and spends the whole day trying to make my mother feel more comfortable or give her medicine and food while my mother fights her every minute of the day. She doesn’t go anywhere or do anything because she worries that noone else will take care of our mother the way she does. I want to make her get out of the house, but I can’t force her. I worry about her sanity after all of this.

So, on this Thanksgiving morning -while I’m up by myself and before the insanity of 20 people coming to my tiny house for turkey starts I just needed to get out that I’m not truly happy or grateful for much this year. It’s been the worst year I can remember….I’m tired of death and hospitals and misery. I just want to be happy….

Oh and to top it off, Misty isn’t feeling right and she’s been off for days now so I’m really starting to worry.

 

Transfer done – November 24, 2008

Filed under: IVF — gertyrae @ 9:23 pm
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6 embies – 1 -12 cell, 1- 10 cell, 2- 8 cell and 2 – 7 cell…will any of them be any good is the real question?

And there are 35 left as 6 didn’t make it to freeze…

And all I can do is wait and try not to think about it. Transfer itself went very well, which for me is sort of a bonus. Usually, I can feel it when the catheter goes through the cervix – not so today. I was shocked when I heard Dr. K tell the embryologist to load…so hopefully that will be a good thing. I can only wait two weeks and find out then.

As I said to Dr. K while being wheeled out – this part is easy, it’s the next two weeks that suck…

Oh, and my dog has learned to find rotten jalapenos in the garden, eat them and then throw them up in the house or the car…good times. Which means I went out to clean out the garden bed and hope that she doesn’t dig anymore up.

 

Transfer is Monday… November 23, 2008

Filed under: IVF — gertyrae @ 12:46 am
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Started the lovely PIO shots last night and am off to do tonights…ahh the joys of a painful azz! Oh and DH gave me the shot last night and it was quite the bleeder…bandaid worthy bleeder!

Will get the call tomorrow as to the time.

I took Monday off and was off on Wednesday to get ready for Thanksgiving (I’m cooking for 12)…so I decided to take Tuesday also and give myself plenty of time.

BTW, has anyone seen the Ungroundable episode of South Park? One of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time.

So – wish me luck – not that I’m all that optimistic, but luck would be nice, as in good luck, as in God willing I actually get pregnant and not with a chemical…..

 

It’s been so long… November 10, 2008

Filed under: IVF — gertyrae @ 12:03 am
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and I have so much to tell.

Well, then again maybe not.

Obviously there was no transfer so it was just a matter of waiting for AF and maybe feeling a better in the interim. Well, I started feeling better by last Sunday and started losing some of the weight I’d gained by Thursday. Only 3 pounds of the total 8 I had gained, but it’s a start. Then, my friend AF arrived on Saturday in a way I’ve never known before. It was like she wanted to add insult to injury. First, a mind-freak headache on Friday that no medication could get rid of. Then Saturday morning she decides to hit me in the lower back so I couldn’t sleep without a heating pad pain. Now that’s fun – and it’s also NEVER happened to me before so I was shocked. I always thought we had a mutual agreement – she doesn’t make life too miserable and I won’t complain about her too much. Well she broke her end of the bargain, so now anything goes.

Anyway, back to reality…today is CD2 and I went in for blood and sono this morning to start my FET. Blood is apparently fine, I found out later….Sono showed approx. 8 cysts in each ovary – yup that’s 16 cysts! The biggest were at 36mm and the smallest 16. The PA asked me the inevitable – aren’t you in any discomfort question and I told her that compared to how I felt a week ago, I could run (well maybe walk) a marathon. Anyway, I got the message later that I’m still good to go. I knew he would go ahead….he doesn’t get concerned when I have cysts and they do go away so I guess he’s onto something. Started Estrace tonight and we are off and running again.

Now, in my personal life – Misty was a pirate for Halloween…see pic. We had a nice Halloween…quiet and relaxed…my brother and SIL moved apartments today, so I spent the whole day lugging boxes – “How do you like that, ovaries?!” As previously noted, I’ve lost some of the weight gain…I would like to lose more, but since I still haven’t been given the go ahead on exercise…it’s walking only for now.

And that’s all folks!!!

Pirate Misty!

Pirate Misty!

 

OHSS is NOT my friend!! November 1, 2008

Filed under: IVF — gertyrae @ 12:01 pm
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And it came to visit anyway…bastard!!!

I have gained 7 pounds in two days and yesterday was just horrible….:(

Today is a little better, but my stomach is HUGE! And so uncomfortable. I just want to cry – I’m sure the hormones coursing through my body don’t help.

 wish there were some way to get this fluid out of my system, short of draining through the abdomen. Been there, done that and it’s not fun. But there’s a part of me that would welcome it, the part that can’t take a deep breath and want’s to sleep all the time.

It doesn’t help that I’ve had to go to work the last two days in my misery…

And of course my wonderful Dr. K calls to see how I’m doing and proceeds to tell me how unbelievable I am and how well I’m handling all of this…yeah thanks.

Anyway, our computer at home died yesterday so my next update won’t be till Monday…hopefully, I’ll be reporting how unusually my OHSS went away miraculously!!!

 

So sorry…. October 29, 2008

Filed under: IVF — gertyrae @ 7:57 pm
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Haven’t been around for a few days.

All kinds of exciting stuff happening. 😮

We had 47 fertilize!!!!!! I’m so happy about that! This was our last shot so whatever fertilized is whatever we will get. Don’t get too excited reading about those 47 – I’ve had 60 embies transferred to date – 1 pregnancy, 2 chemicals…so it’s not a set in stone thing that I’ll get PG off one of these embies, but it certainly does improve my chances.

Now, onto me…

Went to work on Tuesday, felt kinda crappy and bloated but that’s to be expected. By the end of the day, I was feeling like shite. Went to my mom’s and visited her for a while, mostly as a break and then went home and crashed.  Got up this morning and found I had gained over 4 pounds in one day. Now, I’m starting to get nervous. Go to the Dr. to get a full blood panel done and proceed to wait. Get a call from the RE @ noon and they tell me that if Dr. K decides to do a 3dt it will be at 10 a.m. tomorrow. But, she also tells me they haven’t gotten my bloods back yet so she’s not sure what he’s going to decide. Then I get a call at three – my blood came back okay. I am hyperstimmed, but it’s not going to be hospital worthy. Thank God!!! I did that two years ago and let me tell you, it’s not fun spending three days in the hospital and having gallons of fluid drained from your abdomen.  My estrogen is down to 2100 from 6000 and my liver enzymes are good. So, it looks like I’m going to be very uncomfortably for the next few days, but that about it.

AND – no transfer. He wants to wait a month or two, let my body get back to some semblance of normal and then we’ll do frozens.

It’s all good by me…I was getting way more worried about the OHSS than anything.