It's unusual…

..what started out as an IVF journey and ended up being about life

The Horror December 15, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — gertyrae @ 11:09 am
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I’m just floored by yesterdays tragedy.

As most of the world is, I’m sure.

I’ve cried an uncountable number of times in the last 24 hours.

How did his family not see the signs? How could he murder 20 little children? How does this man shoot small children and actually RELOAD his guns to shoot more?

This whole thing has changed many people I think…and part of me wonders why…until I realize that these are small children. Children who had the rest of their lives ahead of them – really. Not in the sense that we say it about teens or young adults, really the rest of their lives. As I read an editorial this morning it hit home. These babies were at the age of non-reality. They wear feetie pajama’s and eat chocolate until they are covered. They swipe their hands into pancake syrup until they are all sticky. They are truly, truly innocent.

And their parents sent them to school yesterday thinking they would be safe. My husband, who is a court officer, made a comment in passing last night about considering carrying his weapon at all times and I said “but you still couldn’t save them because they were in school – supposedly the safest place of all”. Not college, not high school, not a movie theater – a K-4 school. Noone was older than 10….and that is why it’s so unbelievably horrific…I don’t know how these parents will go on. Gifts unopened, holidays forever spent without the true loves of their lives. I just cannot imagine. I look at Colin and just start bawling all over again…and of course he has NO idea. What would I ever do? How would I be able to stand it?

My heart breaks for those families and the classmates of those babies. My prayers go out to each and every one of them. There is nothing more that can be said except if you have a child, hug him or her even harder and more often…let them know how much you really love them.

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Blessings and Tragedies September 3, 2012

Filed under: Life,Parenting — gertyrae @ 4:02 pm
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Since I do have a little free time – I wanted to take the opportunity to just post about the good in my life.

For a multitude of reasons.

One – because sometimes I think we forget how good we have it and get stuck in the muck of daily life.

Two – because maybe it can help someone else in some fashion or other, such as raising awareness, raising money or just making someone else see outside the muck of their daily life.

Three – because no matter what else happens, none of us should forget how truly blessed we are. Especially when our true dreams and hopes come true

Four – because I never want to lose empathy for those who struggle in any way, shape or form. To forget that might be to lose my own humanity.

On that front, I need to express my thoughts and prayers for some people who are close to me.

One is a friend from my book club. Her daughter was born on May 16 and was quickly diagnosed with a failure to thrive. Further testing has shown that she has Niemann-Pick Disease which has a terrible prognosis. They are now down in North Carolina at Duke in the hopes that they can do a stem cell transplant. They will have to undergo a multitude of tests just to make sure their little girl is eligible and all this at only a little over 3 months old. I have no idea how my friend has found the strength to laugh and live and be there for her other two children. I don’t know how she handles loving this baby knowing how bad her prognosis is. I can only pray that they are able to help their baby and that, by some miracle of God, the stem cell transplant is a viable option for their daughter and it works.

Then there are two of my friends that I met while going through all the infertility treatments, both of which are having medical issues with their Moms. Having lost my own Mother, I want to cry for them because I understand all the fears and anxieties that go along with our parents getting ill. While it’s normal to outlive your parents, it’s also terrible to watch them get sick and feel as though there is nothing you can do. Old age is a terrible thing. And as we get older so do our parents, I was in a very difficult place losing my mother when she was so young. But I realize that no matter how old you or your parent is, it never gets easy. It is so hard to watch them go to doctors, specialists, etc. and not get any great answers. It is so hard watching the person who has always been strong for you get weak and/or sick. And it is hardest of all to think that the possibility of the person you always went to for advice and help may not be there. So, I pray for both my friends’ mothers – that they are only suffering minor setbacks and make a full recovery so that my girls can have their Mums around for a long, long while.

And lastly, but certainly not leastly, probably the saddest of all. The woman who took all of Colin’s newborn photos, as a kindness and donation to us because she felt so badly that we had lost our son Rogan, is Summer Lyn. And she is an amazing photographer as evidenced by her photos of Colin and many more that you can see on her website http://www.summerlynphotography.com . I have followed her through the years because I think her work is amazing and although I certainly couldn’t afford to pay for her services while we are struggling with daily expenses, I still love to look at her photographs. Her brother and his wife just gave birth to a baby boy named Easton. Easton was born with Epidermolysis Bullosa- EB also known as Butterfly Disease as his skin is so fragile it cannot be touched. He was born with burns and he is constantly blistering and burning. As of now, he is undergoing surgery to have a second PICC line placed into his chest for feeding. His prognosis is terrible. My heart breaks for this family. I wish there were something more that I could do for this baby, his parents, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. How do you watch this?! How do you sit there completely unable to comfort your baby boy? How do you go home and take your other boys school shopping? How do you get up each morning and go to the hospital to watch your baby endure the horrors of bandage changing? God give them the strength to get through all of this. I don’t even know how Summer deals with the fact that she has to stay here, work and care for her own children while her brother and sister-in-law are in Cincinnati trying to save their baby. I just don’t know…..

But it does make me say prayers for all of them and so many others that are dealing with tragedies and at the same time it makes me so much more aware of the things I DO have in my life. And grateful for the good things that have come my way. And it may be a long while before I complain about not having all the things I want since I really do have all the things I need; a loving husband, a happy and healthy child and a roof over my head…

God Bless all of you….

 

p.s. – if you would like to donate to Baby Eastons family please go to the links on left side of my page under charities…and if you would like to view Summers work check out her link under photography – thank you!

 

A few quiet moments September 1, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — gertyrae @ 11:15 pm
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It’s been a crazy, wacky summer and I haven’t had time to think much less post on here. But, it’s Labor Day weekend and although I’ll be working tomorrow and Monday, I got a little unexpected reprieve tonight. We had a party last night and were headed up to CT to visit the ‘rents and I got a call from my neighbor that Stormy was bleeding from the e-collar so I decided to head home early today. Pup is fine, lots of cleanup to do and vet is being called on Monday.

Now — the update on my life:

Marathon is NOT happening. My knees are killing me and there is no way I’m running 26 miles with these knees. I am going to do the half as I’ve been able to run 12/13 miles a few times and I know I’ll be able to finish that. Just have to get back to running as of tomorrow for sure. A little depressed about not being able to do a full marathon but I am realistic that I’m going to be 47 years old and I can’t do everything.

My sister-in-law is getting married in less than a week!!! We are all set and I am pretty excited for this party…just based on the fact that we will get to have a huge celebration with the whole family and spend a few days together….no more details for now…

Doggies are good. Stormy is a bit crazed right now — looks like she is entering into her adolescence. The biggest problem is she injured her tail somehow and keeps opening it back up. Which is sort of what led to the mess yesterday. So, I’ll call the vet on Tuesday and take her in to see what they can do. Probably going to end up needing some meds to calm her crazy self down.

And on to the star of our show — Young Mr Colin!!

He is a wild ride folks….all vim and vinegar this kid. More questions than you can think of and lots of running around. We have had an amazing summer together. We’ve done so much I can’t even figure how to record it. Third birthday party was good – both here and up in Connecticut. Fairs, parks, beaches, lakes and farms…this kid has done it all. I really have enjoyed this summer, cannot begin to say how much I love this age. He wants to know everything, see everything, experience everything. He is so lovey and I know that is NOT going to last.

How much am I going to miss this lovey boy? How do I hold onto the memory of him saying “Mom, I miss you so much.” or “Mom, I really, really love you.” How will I ever remember how it feels when he hugs me or asks me to hold him when he goes to sleep at night. The way he will grab my hand so he can take me and show me something important to him? All of these things happen daily and they just pass like a breeze and I know it won’t last. And I worry that I’ll never be able to remember what it felt like. Because time marches on and if it weren’t for old videos and/or photos I wouldn’t remember the baby that he was. So, I try to do as much as I can and record as much of it as possible. So that someday, far into the future, I CAN remember my little boy.

 

 

WE did it!!! May 3, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — gertyrae @ 8:35 am
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just barely.by the skin of our teeth.with not a penny to spare…..but we did it!! We made it to goal as a team. As of today I have $150 in checks to post to the March for Babies site and we are at our $2500 goal.

Can’t imagine how hard next year is going to be 😛

 

Hah!! It’s only been a month!!!! June 11, 2011

Filed under: Life,Parenting — gertyrae @ 10:23 pm
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And I’ve decided to try to keep better tabs on this. Mostly because, when I read my old blogs I realize how much you forget as time goes by. And the best way to preserve and remember my feelings, actions, etc. is to be able to come back and read these posts at will. I know no-one else really cares at this point, but it matters to me.
Things are going pretty well here – C is getting bigger and “better” lately. He is really going through a super brat stage right now and I’m not happy about it. I think it’s kind of amusing how much I wished for this child and how hard I worked for him and sometimes (very occasional) I’d like to brain him. We went to a 4 year old’s birthday party the other day and he spent the entire 2 hours screaming and crying – fullblownscreamingsnotrunningtearsstreamingredfacedeyessqueezedshutstampingfeet screaming and crying. It was like my worst nightmare. Not only was I embarrassed for him but I felt like my head was going to explode. We had to go outside three times for time-outs. I really should have left and next time that’s what I’ll do because it was totally not worth staying – for either him or me.
On a brighter note – he’s usually not like that. I really think he’s going through a phase. Maybe the terrible twos hitting a bit early.
And I’m having fun planning his birthday party. No major thing – some of the parties these days frighten me a bit. Just a backyard BBQ with his friends and our family. We have to have two every year, one in CT with DH’s family and one here with our friends and my family. So we are doing a Monster theme – not as in the movie, as in monsters in general. And it’s kind of cute as well as being apropos right now. I made pinatas, goodie bags and am going to bake “monster cookies” which are just giant kitchen sink cookies. The pinatas were a real biatch but they came out really cute. I did a trial run of the cookies and they came out yummy. So we are pretty well set with the parties….
And we went to a Pirate thingy today at the Maritime Museum near us. C really loved the “pirate music” and was dancing all over to it. I think it sounded like Irish Folk music, but what the heck – the kid is a little Mick so it’s only natural.
One more thing – I noticed while looking back that I used to talk about Misty all the time and I don’t want it to seem like she’s been forgotten. She’s great, doing so well with C and is just as cuddly as ever. I take them for walks in our local woods and they have a good time together. She runs circles around C and he just laughs…then he’ll run a tiny bit just to get her to chase him and she’ll do the circles all over again. She’s starting to show her age (she’s almost 7) but it’s really just in the greying of her face…when you take her for a run she’s just as crazy as ever. It may take her a little longer to sleep it off is all.
Oh, and I’m fully back into running…just did two 5K’s and finished both in under 27 minutes! I’m a happy camper – now I just have to lose that last TEN pounds!!!